| a bit of post I liked..... |
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| 09:23pm 04/02/2005 |
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mood:  upbeat music: Sinead O'Connor-Innocent
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I want a boy.
A nice and bad boy. .
He'll give me his favorite sweatshirt.
He'll call me at 3am and ask me what i'm doing.
He'll tell me he couldn't fall asleep because he was thinking about me, and he needed to hear my voice.
He'll text me every morning before school saying "Have a great day babe I love you!".
And he always whispers something sweet in my ear.
He'll take me to a concert to see his favorite band.
And he wont get embarrassed to tell me he loves me in front of his friends.
When I cry he'll tell me I'm too beautiful to and he'll kiss every tear.
He'll always make me feel better because he knows the perfect things to say to me.
All of his friends will know we're in love because he'll talk about me to them.
He'll stay up with me all night when im sick.
When we're walking together he'll stop and pick up a flower and put it behind my ear.
He'll love everything about me and tell me that I'm perfect.
We always end up laughing about silly fights.
We wont get mad for making fun of each other because we crack up at every bit of it.
Even if we're a million years old, butterflies will still go crazy inside of me ... Every time he kisses me.
He'll tell me he'd die without me.
He'll surprise me by bringing me over my favorite food when I'm having a bad day.
He would think I was beautiful if I dressed so crappy it was classy.
When we go out for ice cream, he'll put some on my nose …
then I'll put some all over his face.
And we just never stop laughing.
he wouldnt be scared to cry in front of me--
--and would hold me when i cry ..
he'll introduce me to his friends as the coolest guy he’s ever met.
He'll give me this look, that lets me know when i'm acting stupid. but also one that lets me know, that he loves me.
We would have contests of how far we could spit our gum, or how far we could jump off a swing.
He'll take walks with me in the snow, and we'll catch
TsnowflakesT on our tongues
I don't even like snow, but he loves it.
He would grab my waist and kiss my neck.
And we'd always take pictures in photo booths.
We would play tag and not care whos watching.
<3We'd kiss in the rain.<3
And when I hear him speak, I'll fall in love all over again.
I want a boy who can argue over stupid things with me,
and than go totally soft when I got sad and apologize.
I want someone who would lay with me outside under the stars.
Someone who will squirt me with water guns in the house
When we kissed our hips would be pressed together.
I want someone to be there no matter what ... always and forever *
Perfect.
I'll be his everything.
And he'll be even more to me .
He will love me for always
and I'll Love him more...<3
*these are not my words... just something from a friends post that I found uplifting:-D this is very unrealistic, but its nice to read... ENJOY! |
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| 11:06pm 16/01/2005 |
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mood:  annoyed music: All American Rejects- Last Song
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I met a guy, and I really like this guy... but he isnt exactly expressing an interest in me, as far as I gather from his actions when I'm around him... so I'm gonna look for a guy similar to him... so if any guy (or any of his friends*hint*) reading this fits the description, I would like a comment, or email response as soon as humanly possible...
WANTED:
a 17 yo guy living in Cherry Valley with a first name starting with R, who works across from Denny's, and has the most amazing friends I've (n)ever met...
This guy has to be chemically friendly, and have an LJ starting with the letter O and ending in the letter R...
This guy also has to enjoy writing and work in an ice cream franchise...
These are very specific, I know, but it is absolutely essential...
If anyone knows of a guy like this, let me know ASAP!!!Thanks!
~Lata |
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| My cutting pics... NOT for the faint of heart! |
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| 03:02am 29/12/2004 |
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mood:  semi-suicidal... music: Everybody's Fool- Evanescence
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as the title suggests, anyone who cannot stand the site of blood should not view these photos... I am using lj cut so spare those who would be repulsed...
And just a reminder: I GAVE YALL FAIR WARNING!!! so no bitching about how vulgar I am... I warned ya, and if you didnt heed that warning, its ur own damn fault... These photos are VERY graphic, and if you dont wanna see em, then you dont have to... just remember that!
( Click for BLOOD... there's PLENTY of it here! ) |
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| 05:09am 03/11/2004 |
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just awesomeness!
Just HOTTNESS!!! |
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| Frustrations of a gay teen in a world of doubting friends... |
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| 02:11pm 24/10/2004 |
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mood: Pissed beyond fucking belief! music: FUCK YALL!!! I am who I am!
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ALRIGHTY!!!
LISTEN THE FUCK UP PEOPLE!
I am QUEER! I am GAY! I like BOYS! GUYS do it for me! NOT NOT NOT GIRLS!!!
I may be able to TOLERATE the female anatomy, or even find a girl attractive once in a great while, but I do NOT NOT NOT have ANY intentions of DATING or even FUCKING AROUND WITH a girl...*EVER!
GET IT THE FUCK THROUGH YALL'S MINDS! SO STOP THE FUCKING INSINUATIONS!
If the banter about Jerrid's 'latent heterosexuality' continues, Jerrid just may get really fucking pissed and fucking snap on all yall...
I really dont wanna do it, but if it doesnt stop in a right fucking hurry, I may just have to withdraw from everyone I normally associate with for until the time that they learn to fucking respect how I identify... I've done it before, and I can fucking do it again if I have to... so DONT FUCKING PUSH ME!!!
I STILL dont associate with one of the groups I used to hang out with cuz they pissed me off that fucking badly!
I DONT have to take the shit... I tolerate a hella lot of yall's 'joking', and it may be in good fun, but I'm getting fucking sick of it... And pretty fucking soon, I WONT be tolerant at all!
SO...
If yall wanna continue to know me, yall will CUT THE SHIT!!! and STOP QUESTIONING MY SEXUALITY!!!
I've done the questioning for myself, I dont need all my friends questioning it for me!
I'm fucking fed up... so yall decide... what's it gonna be???
are yall gonna cut the shit? or is Jerrid gonna have to find a whole new group of friends that respects him for the way he is(like I THOUGHT yall did...)?
Let me know how its gonna be, k? |
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| BLAH!!! |
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| 04:28pm 23/10/2004 |
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mood: annoyed music: techno
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Awesome techno song about youth...
I had sex dreams last nite... I've been having them more and more frequently... last nite was the boy I want, and angelina jolie... it was fuckin awesome with angelina! OMG! it was like i was actually kissing her wonderfully full lips! wow! and it was odd, cuz we then had sex, and I didnt even care when my fingers, and later lips and tongue, went to certain places on her body... it was all beautiful and picturesque and just wonderful! It kinda scares me LOL
My xanga entry was about the boy, but I didnt say anything about the sex dream... it wasnt much... just basically a memory of that time in the car before he flaked... blah... He's just bein a fucktard...
AHHH!!! OMG! guys keep IMing me wanting sex! its pissin me off! I hate it... stupid fucks get ur jollies elsewhere!!! I'm not here for your pleasure! so fuck off on someone else!
*GRRRRR!*
I should prolly get showered and ready... and call Liz and maybe Snow... got a party tonite, maybe two...
~Lata Yall~ |
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| 11:44pm 18/10/2004 |
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mood:  apathetic... or just pathetic? music: WhY dO i LoVe YoU- 3 dAyS grAcE
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( Con pics... )
Con fucking rocked, as I knew it would!
I would elabourate, but I dont feel like it... if ya have my # and wanna know, call me... or if ya wanna hear about it and dont have my #, have me call you...
I have decided to make peace with the fact that I am single and will most likely stay that way for a while since I want something more substantial than a one time fling or short lived sexual partner... I am in need of a boy, but I want a nice boy to fulfill my 'need'...
O! I learned to belly dance(somewhat) at Con! WooHoo! Go Me! Its fun, but its exhausting!
I'm off to bed... I'm concentrating on things closer to my reach than the boy I want... because that boy is focusing too much on his paperthin rationale than what is right in front of his face and completely within his grasp and his for the taking...
Blahness, complete and utter blahness...
I would like to see myself bleed... I would like this for several reasons... one is just to remind myself that I am alive... it seems stupid, but I need reminders every so often... another is that it would just feel good... I need pain... I need all the reminders bleeding and its after effects can give me... I am extremely emo right now, and it helps release in a way being even the most emo I could be would never do... But its stupid and wont really help much... it will just cause unrest, and make ppl yell at me for being stupid... cuz I really am stupid... I need to be smarter... |
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| Homecoming Night... |
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| 06:20pm 10/10/2004 |
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mood:  emotionally drained... music: Why do I love you?- 3 days Grace
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I did 8 last night...
homecoming was last nite... guess whose date didnt show up?!? MINE!!! Shawn didnt fucking show, and I cried the whole fucking dance... the only thing that cheered me up was seeing hot Phil... But I was fucking Hottness! I was the sexiest biotch there!!! AND I was in a pic for the yearbook while I was all sexiness! *hehehe*
But Shawn didnt show for a good reason... His friend Jason went into cardiac arrest and had to be rushed to Madison... Also, his NEW car got ruined... But he called just as we were leavin guilford... so he met us at IHOP...
I got locked out of the house(so I thought...) I wasted a ton of Shawn's time...all to find out that my dad was right in calling me an idiot for not knowing that there actually was a key... and after all that, I didnt even get a kiss!!! WTF!?! But I got a hug...
I cried all last nite... My parents dont know what I did before they got home... and no one better ask me what I did either... But they were all pitying me cuz I was cryin...
O! I also got searched by the cops at the dance cuz some jackass decided it would be funny to tell them that the fag in pink was sniffin glue in the bathroom when all he was doin was cryin cuz his fucking date didnt show up... that was NOT pleasant... and I didnt even get an apology... fuckin pigs! I was cooperative too, and I didnt even raise my voice... I just let them harass me... hm, maybe Ms. Simmons should hear about that...
I've been crying like constantly since last nite... I havent cried like I cried last nite in a long time... I guess I'm more attached to Shawn than I let myself believe... I hate that... I mean, its not really doin me much good to hold on if nothing's gonna happen... Unless I make it happen, I dont think it will... I wish Shawn would just tell me if he wants me that way or not... cuz if not, I can get over it now before I get any further in... I dont like being emotionally vulnerable like this... having the mood of my day set by basically one person's interaction with me... Its not who I am, or who I wanna be right now... I mean, I wouldnt care, IF the person actually did me the courtesy of being decisive, but when they just let me dangle in uncertainty like Shawn does, it makes me bitter and resentful...
I think it's safe to say that the emo wave has dragged me off to be another in an ocean of emo bois that have succomed to its clutches before me... |
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| 05:55pm 22/09/2004 |
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mood:  bouncy music: Jason Mraz- Sleep all day
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Boycott for Equality, scheduled for Friday, October 8, has created an opportunity for gays and lesbians and our allies to show a united front and drop out of the economy for the day. By participating together, we have the chance to feel that sense of empowerment that occurs when people join forces to stand for something... (read more)
http://www.boycottforequality.org |
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| 11:23pm 21/09/2004 |
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mood: ............ music: Annie Lennox
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well...............
things were really nice tonite... Shawn and I went out. I feel stupid... I dunno why...
Sex doesnt really matter to me... I just like being close to someone... it may seem like a crock, but its true... I really dont care about sex as long as I have someone to be close with...
I wonder if it will come to anything... I havent had very good luck in the past, so I'm having a hard time being hopeful... and besides, "Expect Nothing, and you will never be Disappointed..."
I felt so relaxed in the car with him... I was on his lap in the drivers seat... we were in Guilford's parking lot... that's the first time I had ever made out with anyone in that parking lot... I messaged him... it was after I realized that if I expect nothing, I wouldnt be disappointed... I mean, I've been trying to live by that, but it didnt really hit till tonite... I was trying too hard, and I realized that if I dont try, if I just do what comes naturally and feels right, that I would feel better... and it worked...
but when I got home, I felt really sad... I cant really say why, cuz I dont really know why... but I went inside, got my pajamas on, and laid down... I put in Annie Lennox, and I relaxed even further... I started crying... it was nice, but I felt sad... I cried for a long time... and then I couldnt sleep and I felt like writing, so I asked to go online, which I shouldnt have to do, but I did anyway... so now I'm writing...
And Nick IMed me... wanting to know if it was Shawn Starks... I said I didnt know, but its the same shawn... He explained why he wanted to know... and I dont really care... in fact, I could have done without that... it was useless information to me... I didnt know nick ever read my journal... whatever...
I can still smell him on me... on my hands... its nice... and I sound totally infatuated... and I dont like that cuz I dont want to let myself get that involved unless I know for sure things will go the way I want them to... but I guess thats not very practical, and, unfortunately, I dont think thats the way it works... Opening up is very dangerous, and the last time I opened up, I got royally fucked over, and I didnt recover for months and months... I dont want to have to go through that again...
well, I better get to bed... I feel better knowing that I wrote about this... |
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| I feel stupid... |
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| 06:02pm 21/09/2004 |
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mood: angry music: linkin park- breaking the habit
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Hey all! guess what!?!
LIBBY'S NOT DEAD!!!
I feel like such a fucking idiot! for some stupid fucking reason, someone decided it would be funny to tell all Libby's friends that she had killed herself... she was just staying at her aunt's house... she had none of her stuff, no cell, no comp... so yeah...
Now I feel like a dork, and now I gotta tell all my teachers that it was just someone's sick idea of a joke, and that I was all emotional and unresponsive for no fucking reason...
The person responsible better pray that I never come to Pennsylvania, cuz I will hunt them down and shove the biggest dildo I can find up their ass!!! with NO LUBE!!! fucking bastards...
Well, now I'm over feeling dumb, so I better get ready for shawn(my new guy LoL)...
~Lata yall~ |
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| wow... |
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| 02:37am 07/09/2004 |
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mood: apathetic music: Evanescence... Everybody's Fool...
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I was so happy from this weekend a few hours ago...
Libby killed herself... I miss her... I miss talking to her about guy hotness and liprings...
Theresa told me she took a bottle of sleeping pills and some aspirin... She came home from work and there was Libby sleeping but she wouldnt wake up... Theresa is thinking about aborting their child... I hope she doesnt...
I'm still writing my fucking book report... I was gonna stay up all nite and work on it, but mom got up so she's bitching at me...
I wrote a long entry in my xanga about Jon tonite... reading Ryan's journal and hearing about Libby's death just got to me... Its very upsetting... I just wanna emmerse myself in my book report for the next 6 hours or so, take a shower, go to school, come home, finish all my other school shit, then be able to hang out with friends the rest of the week... I think I may bring Andy and maybe Nicky to DoR on thursday if I can... then I wanna hang out with Ryan on friday or over the weekend...
I need to hang out with Andy cuz he makes me all happy... Talking to Ryan makes me happy too... I need to talk to Ryan 2moro if I can... I think he'll be back from his parents' house by 2moro... I hope he is at least...
Well, I need to get my report done...
Nite yall |
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| This is about a poem... |
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| 03:14am 06/09/2004 |
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mood: aggravated music: mix by my Snow
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Written in anger and furious frustration...
That is it... by Me
I trusted you;
You lied...
I loved you;
You threw that away...
You fucked up;
That's all ther is to say. |
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| I'm posting... so yeah... |
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| 04:15pm 02/09/2004 |
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mood: bouncy music: Evanescence and random music...
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well, its been a while since I posted on here...
Well, what has happened...
I got my mojo back! Stupid as it sounds, it just means I'm comin outta my slump and my confidence is goin back on up...
People have noticed the changes in my personality lately, like I dont talk nearly as much, I just stay quiet, and kinda let things go cuz I dont like when everytime I open my mouth someone shoots me down, no matter how trivial the tidbit of dialogue may be... Also, I have just been crushed under a mountain of stressors and its really gotten to me...
Mother is playing the traditional Irish Catholic mother with me lately... So I have been countering with the same bull shit she hates that her mother does to her(and so I have NO fucking clue why she does it to me sometimes), and I just play the old Irish Catholic game of 'If I dont acknowledge it, it will go away' or 'I dont believe that I said...'... My mother HATES that shit, yet she pulls it on me all the fucking time...
but anyways...
Tyler and I 'broke up' cuz he wants to be exclusive, and I'm not ready for that by a long shot... So yeah...
And I'm supposed to go on a 'date' with Jake(yes, my ex...)
We're supposed to go to an East football game... I hope my parents let go of their Psycho-ness by then tho! FUCK! They wont leave me alone! And theyre both home AT THE SAME TIME! ALL THE TIME!!!
I may have a date with Ryan(mr. future m.d.) as soon as he gets back from a labour day weekend thingy at his parents' house... well, I'm almost 100% certain that we will go out as soon as we get the chance! LoL I think he definately has a thing for me;) I think we'll hit it off great, cuz we're both at a time in our lives where we dont want the cheezy bull shit that comes along with dating... like all the stupid ass ads on xy and gay.com and shit... like the most important info is ur age, weight, colour, cock type and size, and ur sexual prefs! Its just stupid as hell... thats for a hook up or fuck... not for a long term relationship...
There is a guy, he's a freshman at guilford... he's the brother of a friend of an ex... That wont go anywhere, cuz he's closeted, virginal, and never been with a guy... I mean, I MAY be able to deal with a virginal guy that has at least had a boyfriend or 2, but I cant take one that fresh... And I think I want to try Ryan out more... LoL I can still help him out with newbie stuff tho LoL that sounded odd, but its kinda applicable LoL
I think I better get offline and get to finishing Othello... I need to work on that hardcore and my book report so I can go to waterfront this weekend!
I found a way to get a waterfront button;) LOL!!!
~Lata~ |
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| Well well well... |
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| 04:19pm 27/08/2004 |
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Well, I am just fine and dandy everyone! Dont worry bout me;)
I'm gettin a new journal to write all my shit in, and this one will be for normal happy stuff again! :-D
I dont like worrying ppl, and I've been doin that far too often on here and on xanga, so I'm gonna stop that...
~Lata yall~ |
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| I'm fucking losing it here... |
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| 01:48am 26/08/2004 |
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mood:  pessimistic music: EVERYTHING IS SHIT!!! I'M A FUCKING FAILURE!!!
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I just got done pouring out my pathetic feelings of worthlessness and dread on my xanga...
I'm such a puss... I dont deserve to breath the air I breath!
I am a useless pile of flesh and bones...
I need to crawl in a corner, slit my wrists and stay there till I die...
Its like 230am, and I have school in the morning...
I am going to be even more worthless if I make it thru the nite... FUCK! I hate this shit...
O! Jon wrote a fabulous poem in study hall... yeah, guess wut about!?! Well, lets just say its causing me to doubt everything I've done for the past 8 months or so...
I will leave you all at this moment, and I hope to make it unscarred thru the nite... |
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bobquisha's journal
